I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
