i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
