Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
