im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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