It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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