I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
