dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
