I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
