I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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