Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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