I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This baby is an asshole
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
