at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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