Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
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Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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