After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
