she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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