i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
