I'm laying in your front yard are you home
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
