I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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