I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
