nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Your dad touched me again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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