Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
