Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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