My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
