I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
