Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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