you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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