just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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