just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
