Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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