On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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