If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
