How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
