it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
