Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
