i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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