You really coming over, don't trick.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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