brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
