mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
