We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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