I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
