tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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