I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
