remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
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Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
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So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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