she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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