All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize