you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
