I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
