I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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