You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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