You really coming over, don't trick.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
