guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
