apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
