You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The adults are the big ones right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
