she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I need a beard to bite.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
