I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
