Do you still have your period?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
