this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
