I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
