Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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