you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
