those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
