he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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