I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
