I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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