Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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