So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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