I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
