I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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