4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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