Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
