He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You are the jesus of drinking
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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