there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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