I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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