really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
