hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
