So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
