He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
