so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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